Y'all know that, I am good in talking, yea almost everyone who know me knows that I am good in talking. Do not get me wrong, I am probably good in talking, but neither talking good nor good in communicating.
I am confused most of the times. Most of the times now I just, choose to ignore the confusion, that's how amazing that God make us like. No matter how confused you are, you still live, you still breath, you still love.
I hated my life, I hated my job, and I hated myself too. But on the other hand, I appreciate my life, as it brings me experience that I'd never expected. I appreciate my job, as it feeds me, it taught me that I am an useful asset to the society, I wasn't the useless powerless wreck back in the times.
I love myself, I hate myself as much as the extent that I love myself. You have no idea how much effort I put in preserving myself. Some told me I've never changed, some told me I've changed a lot. True, I am still childish and stubborn. On the other hand, I am partially round, and learn to handle the things with certain skills.
I couldn't sit down with myself alone last time. But now I can. Time taught me that. I appreciate time that I can stay alone. That feeling I, am the only one on earth who actually acknowledge myself as someone that couldn't live without.
It takes a lot, lot of courage to look back into the past. When I actually sit down quietly and flip back to my old diary, I get speechless and well, I can't cry now, just feel low. So much have changed.
Like I said before, though I don't like changes, but changes are inevitable. Thanks to God that because of that, see how much I've changed. I didn't bring through a lot. Only few that can make a life twist on it.
Findings, understand that I am myself, I am Leon. I am Leon Lai. I am the son of God. I am loved. I am blessed. I am showered with the grace of God. It didn't sound so right right?
I watched a movie lately, the Bobby's prayer, the Lord has forgive us before we even forgive ourselves. What I am trying to say is life's so short. With God or without God, there's only one life.
I've been feeling bad for myself for so long. I still feel bad every now and then. But I am learning to appreciate myself in every single moment. You know, try to think everything in positive direction, my inherent setting may be is pessimistic.
But I am thinking otherwise now. Like what I learnt from the China drama, life isn't meant to be smooth, it meant to be lived. It meant to be challeageable. What you gotta do is think positively, probably the things become better when you started to think positively.
凡事都要往好处想，谁晓得你往好处想，事就往好处去了。
I am putting this line into my mind which I found it quite useful and applicable to my life. I am truly blessed, I should appreciate what I have.
It's a long day to me, and I just got home not so long ago. All in a sudden, I have this inspiration to update this site. I am totally drained. More to go and I will get them done in time.
I just know bunch of new friends. See, how is positive energy drives me in when the force is already there. Can't wait to meet them again for the upcoming hottest event, Kuching festival.
That's a wrap for tonight. Goodnight
