Let's just face it. It wasn't the right time yet. Or it may never be a right time.
The funny thing is that I am not sure whether I am sad now or just disappointed. I used to be sad while I still hold expectations on it. I don't know now.
When I heard, you are too serious and I got bored, you need to chill up. I guess that's it. I totally got shocked by that and I replied "then we can't have anymore conversations, because that's me. You are asking me not to be me."
And I received nothing in reply.
I didn't know. I lost all the energy and stuff, I couldn't help it. I've been working very hard to get where I am today, it might mean nothing to others. It meant a lot to me myself. What's the point if I lose myself for it?
I love myself. I respect myself. I guess that's it. Until I have any other effort being made, I reserve the right to stand where I am. I already assume I'll receive nothing if I do not initiate anything.
There you go, I knew it since the beginning. It's always me. And I'm proud of it. I'm bald, I'm straight forward, I know what I want. I've compromised too. Sometimes yea I need to stand where I should, I see the conversation part is a big part that I need to stand by.
Honestly I am afraid. I am afraid of losing. But sigh, there's so much I can do. Other than keep trying to give more than I have for myself and get myself overwhelmed and exhausted.
I'm tired. I guess that's all, I'm calling the night.
