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Saturday, March 16, 2013

ENVY

Guess everyone has that feeling once in a while right? 

Envy, jealousy, I feel it quite frequent. Perhaps due to my self-pity attitude, which is absolutely pointless. 
Anyway, my point here is envy, is it good or is it bad?

I think it's good. At least so far what it does to me is just keep me moving and keep me motivated. I am not saying that my motivation power were all draw from envy, but I must admit at least 40++% of it contributed by envy.

I wanted to be better, I wanted to be treated equally. And I am so envy of those who got more but less work done has accomplished. That's not fair but that's how it works in this society. Fair or unfair is up to winners to decide. 

Be yourself, I am being myself, despite my shape, which definitely not who i am , it's just temporarily undercover. I will fix them and shape myself up. =) 

Frankly speaking, I wanted to feel emo now. I feel so tired and bursting, I wish I can be emo enough and tear myself up. However, too bad, songs, movies, old diaries, bla bla bla... couldn't make me feel anything. I am so senseless now ar!!! 

I was in a very awkward situation just now. In a crowd of relatives, blood-related relatives, but I couldn't recognize them. They supposed to be my most familiar relatives, but too sad that I couldn't remember their name either. There was, like, something sort of like a gap between us. 

Hmm... Still no emo, just sad for that. I think I understand how I treat my problem or feelings now, if I can settle that problem although it would be very hard to do so, I will settle it accordingly, so no emo. 

On the other hand, if something I cannot settle at all, it's gonna be a disaster that totally mess up. I will leave it behind, or just leave my hands off. so no emo again. 

The only emo that still work on me, I guess is that person. my ex. 

I am bullshitting again. That's all. 

I am exhausted. Let's call the night. 

Goodnight. 

Leon Lai
16/03/2013

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