Rape

I get rapped at work today. It wasn't that bad. As if I didn't mention that I am working in an office that only two males in the room, the rest are all females.

What do you expect right? Equality? Dafuq. Girls are always more privileged than the guys. Not to mention handsome guys are always more privileged than the normal looking Joe.

I am the normal looking Joe. Deserve every nerve to die hard and get rewardless.

Yea, this is a complaint post. Shout out my unbalanced treatment at work.

Well, what to do. This is work. With little pay, great responsibility. We got to come out with lots of reason for some slicks.

Damn it.

More than friends

Finally I let it go. Let it go doesn't mean that everything changed in a blink.

For now, things remain the same. Everything still workout the same. The aching part will still ache every now and then. But by the inherent ability of the gift by God to heal by time and by ourselves, things started to be better.

Last night was a torture. However, it's history now. This morning I woke up, when the sun breeze on my face, everything has changed.

I will focus on my work, and yea, workout more. Go back to where I was and gain back the confidence that I've lost and found in the creation of God again.

Don't lose the power of love. And this taught me that I still have the ability to love and to care. It's just not the right time and the right person.

I can make someone happy too one day.

I am free.

Hope

Do you believe in faith?

Yeah, I do. Despite the fact that I am a pure Chinese, we got five thousands years of story to back up the line. I myself find it undeniably indescribably unquestionably make sense.

Though it wasn't the inspiration for this blog post to be written at the first place, but it certainly play part of the role here.

I finished 21km on yesterday, Sunday. No matter how tough or rough it was, it's history by now. It taught me something though.

First no matter how hard is the situation, fear can't help. Facing it is the point. Turn out once you get the first step started, you will finish it and you will accomplish it. Want it or not, it's all your choice.

And pace, most important thing, you want it fast but your body can't accommodate that much of potential, so you need to train or else, you gonna slow down and gather all the energy you left and start again.

But you must know that you will finish this, you will complete it.

However, on the other hand, I realize the part of me being an introvert. I arrived in the Spring quite early in the morning, I was alone, surprisingly I found few people that I know, but I just feel a little awkward to stay around with them.

End up, I just stand alone at a corner and playing my stupid phone. What's the point?

Somehow I really wanna hear someone tell me "有你真好" too. That would be nice.
I slept on 9 something, but I am awake up. This is not so good. It's a really hot night. Guess I should get back to my bed.

Everything is going to be fine. It has to be. It will be. There's no other options too. Life is like that.

Have faith, be hopeful.

Tremendous

I doubt about it sometimes. I often hold a doubt towards it. But you know things that you pay effort everyday, it gonna bring you something in return, good or bad. Luckily, workout is the one which bring more good than the bad.

Gym is my salvation. I've repeated this over and over again.

Yet, I still need a home to release, to unleash my fear. Not sitting in the car, and cry silently. It's the most painful thing that I ever did.

To hold your breath. To tell yourself it will be alright. Things will be fine. When nothing seems right. Yea, I've been through it like thrice.

It still bite me hard. EVERYTIME.

I want to go home now.

I want to go home now.

I wish to go home now.

I forgot, I don't have a "home" here.

I forgot, I only got a room here.

I forgot, I was alone

and I am still alone here.

Fallen

Drastical day, drastical Wednesday.

Everything is the same but again, everything is not the same. Perhaps my sore throat decides to elevate its power over me.

I threw it away today. Set myself into fire and threw it into the rain. Now I am ash. Yea, Ash as in ashes.

I couldn't call mom, I don't know who to talk to. How incredible that a person like me. Just successfully to be alive until now without knowing anyone to talk to when I am in crisis.

Thousands of thoughts running through my mind just now. Commit suicide obviously is one of the option. Curiously I ask myself is that again that I think of my own death. I've been living no value on this land, should I contribute this or instead, a better Leon, at least not a dead body.

Mom is busy right now. Friends are heading home from work, some may still working. Schoolmates are enjoying their holidays. The fuck they care or understand what kind of shit that you're being through.

I broke a chair in my office today. Such a small issue. But I take it so personally. I didn't intend to break anything you know, but things just broken. And it's me, who that the blame is about. I am, to be blamed.

Why me? Turn out there's no why. Life's never give you a reason, you gotta swallow it up and say, yeah, it's me, I broke it. Intentionally or unintentionally doesn't make a difference. The outcome is the same, people look at me, so big and fat. Yea he could break a dozen of chairs. Yea of course is him, his weight could break more.

Hahahahaha... I am so in despair now. But I feel great though. I am still alive. That's great. Nothing is too bad.

I've had enough of that today. Ain't nothing for anyone.

Someone

I never wanted to be alone. I believe out there no one would love to be alone. But we all get used to.

Yeap, get used to be alone. Moment to be true to our own self. Haha... Nah, not that dramatic. It's just now everything is that overwhelming.

Work is overwhelming, study could be overwhelming too. We all need a little time to ourselves to unleash the locked up memory and emotions.

Someone, hmmm, I started to get question like that. When are you going to bring a partner? When do you going to find yourself someone special?

Oowh, trust me. I found someone special long long time ago, which is myself. How about the partner? I felt that every now and then. But it's always the wrong timing and bad person.

I am going to turn 22 this year. Time flies. I guess it just takes some times, to look for that someone.

Somebody out there, somebody somewhere.