Fallen

Drastical day, drastical Wednesday.

Everything is the same but again, everything is not the same. Perhaps my sore throat decides to elevate its power over me.

I threw it away today. Set myself into fire and threw it into the rain. Now I am ash. Yea, Ash as in ashes.

I couldn't call mom, I don't know who to talk to. How incredible that a person like me. Just successfully to be alive until now without knowing anyone to talk to when I am in crisis.

Thousands of thoughts running through my mind just now. Commit suicide obviously is one of the option. Curiously I ask myself is that again that I think of my own death. I've been living no value on this land, should I contribute this or instead, a better Leon, at least not a dead body.

Mom is busy right now. Friends are heading home from work, some may still working. Schoolmates are enjoying their holidays. The fuck they care or understand what kind of shit that you're being through.

I broke a chair in my office today. Such a small issue. But I take it so personally. I didn't intend to break anything you know, but things just broken. And it's me, who that the blame is about. I am, to be blamed.

Why me? Turn out there's no why. Life's never give you a reason, you gotta swallow it up and say, yeah, it's me, I broke it. Intentionally or unintentionally doesn't make a difference. The outcome is the same, people look at me, so big and fat. Yea he could break a dozen of chairs. Yea of course is him, his weight could break more.

Hahahahaha... I am so in despair now. But I feel great though. I am still alive. That's great. Nothing is too bad.

I've had enough of that today. Ain't nothing for anyone.