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Friday, August 16, 2013

Ambiguous

Ambiguous, often refer to vague, things that are unclear, uncertain, or come with many meaning with different interpretation. 

I draw up this topic because something happened to me recently. 

Actually nothing really happened. I finished the peak period like one day ago. And I was that stress and everything get loose by overnight. This is not very much related to the topic, I am still thinking how to bring the message out in an appropriate manner. 

I met a person. Yea, I met a lot of person. I meet people every single day. We all did. There's nothing special with it. 

Yea, Don't avoid the topic, I met a person. I feel something extra, but I am uncertain. I refused to say anything, I keep telling myself in my head that I gone crazy or nuts again. I must be too desperate, that's just illusion, all will be changed like two days later. 

I don't know. That's the answer I found, or excuses I gave myself. I don't know. 
I feel something, nothing about body contact, it's warm. It's safe, I feel like protecting someone or devoting for someone. I don't know. I am unsure and uncertain of all sort of feelings that I had, and I still have. 

I am confused. Well we're still friends. I hope that I don't scare people away. Slim myself down a little bit didn't boost much confidence to my guts. I still get scare or afraid when I want to step to that stage. Fear of uncertainties, fear of rejection, there are fears. 

Now I sort it out a little bit, I read this quote this morning.
"你就是过于放大自己对男生的好感,以为那就是爱。让自己的心慢下来,就好了。那些所谓让你摇摆不定的爱情,其实,离爱远着呢~ —— 苏小懒《诠释爱》"
It's true. I was just magnify my feeling, like I thought, I wasn't well trained in controlling my emotions, instead, I always let my emotions flow. Now it's the perfect opportunity to control it. 

Let times tell the story. 

I like it. But I gotta make it slow this time. I want it to stay, and I hope it to last. But future is vague and fill with uncertainties. All I got to do, is calm down my nerve and yea, make a better person of myself. 

First, be responsible of my own emotion. I can't be sad and expect others to cheer me up. I gotta be the one who cheer people up. 
Second, be confident! I am always confident of myself, so be confident. 
Third, be kind. That's the hardest part, I am selfish, to protect myself, well, practices make perfect. Be kind. 

Lol, I've said so much, but my heart still like expecting something. 

It's enough now. Lunch time. I really need the workout tonight, to bring all the wonders and negativity away! Woohoo! 

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