Salvation

Salvation, everyone needs salvation. Either physically, mentally or in any form, ever since we have the idea of a sinner and as a helpless mankind walking on earth.

We expect people to help us, we expect people to assist us, we expect people to guide us. That's what we pray from God everyday too. We draw the energy from the unknown, from the spiritual side.

I need salvation too. There are books saying that you yourself are your very first salvation before you decided to reach out there and seek for more.

I am leading a somehow very complicated yet clearly-knowing-what-is-the-issue-but-just-let-it-be kind of life.
I am believing in it. I let myself to believe it though underneath my nerve, I am insecure and completely out of my mind.

Yesterday I was a driver went to pick up my cousin and her friends from Miri for some one-day-event in kuching. We chit chat and the friends told me that I don't look like the character that she is hearing from what I am talking about.

She said I have a gamer look that I must be very good at computer games. But I go bakery class, I plant succulents. I am very particular when it comes to food that I eat. I am sensitive when it comes across healthy lifestyle(though it might not look so appealing on me). I tend to focus on some part of things that usually a guy, someone tall and big like me won't give a flying damn about.

I am confused too. Is that a bad thing? Could it be correct? After awhile, I get few sorted out. That's me. That's Leon Lai. That's someone who struggle hard to be here today and he may be has some character issues, but who doesn't. He is only 22, he makes mistakes but who doesn't. He has huge room to improve, but who doesn't, does anyone dare to say that he/she has no room to improve, maybe the second he/she says that, humble is the thing to improve.

Sincerity is my trade mark. Sometimes I may overrated it. However I do give myself a four when it comes to this self evaluation. It usually associates with honesty. I am just gonna be me.

Everyone would tell you otherwise when it comes to this. I know and I've been there too. I changed too. But some core value in yourself you must not changed! You gotta hold on to it.

I am happy now. I am grateful now. I am just couldn't help but scare sometimes too. As I am still undergo the shaping process, I am still subject to changes. Where would I be? How would I be? What would I be? When would I be? Why should I be?

Mama, I miss you a lot. It always come across my mind whenever this grow up issue hits me up.

I will be settled down one day. I don't like big, I like homey, I like warm stuff, I like simple. I prefer just lead a simple life that some pets, a partner, some noises and day and night till we die.

May God be with me.