It was really tough on yesterday afternoon. I haven't had that in a very long while, I knew it will come sooner or later. And as usual, it came with a deeper and clearer understanding of what has happened to me. I broke down. I cried really hard and bad, as loud as I could in my own personal cubicle. I was quite amazed by how it goes.
I was still cool before I stepped out from Hilton. Not until I get into my car.
Once again, it's not that I don't know what it is, but I know better this time. It's another case of passengers. I have been busy to say goodbye to people around me, like I once said, it's getting faster and faster. The feelings come and go, people come in and out. It's overwhelming at certain point. I ensure myself to live that moment to a very much extent as I could and it ends well too.
Of course, the incident after it is a different story, at least it ends in a good way. It could be just a beginning for everything. But it dawned on me, that if I want it so bad, I shall change, I should upgrade myself. I need to ensure I get myself ready. Or else, it will always be the case of passengers, because I can never secure them, I can never secure myself.
Before I want to take care of anybody, I shall take good care of myself first. And obviously I have been oblivious of my own situation and predicament. I cried so bad, partly because of the goods and the good moment has passed, major part would be why am I keep committing mistakes that obviously can be avoided and all I need to do is change. The tears were very helpful, it washes away the hesitation and it reaffirms what I had in my mind.
Changes.
I have few texts from friends. He told me, you are human, you are not God, flow with the flow, and time will tell you the answer. The answer is lie within your questions, let time tell you and all you have to do, is have faith that it will work out one day and get ready for it.
Change for yourself, but not for others.
Hold onto to love, I have searched high and low for you.
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