Overestimation

Yeah no reason. I guess the whole existence of this blogger now is merely for myself to rank it out to someone. Or I rather just jot it down in my diary.

Ironically someone will never come across my blog. This was created so long ago and has never been shared to anyone else since few years ago.

I think I rush things out. It takes a bit too much of my side now.  I kind of losing breath when I loss it. Hmm...

Yeah waited whole day and complained about the laptop. Waited whole day and in the end I got myself embarrassment. Waited whole morning for a reply of "K".

Like a huge punch in the face to wake me up that yea... I have been too optimistic on this. Forgot how to play the game. Yeah play it expensive play it hard to get. And in the end play cheap to get.

I tell myself it is alright. I've got nothing to lose as well. A little embarrassments are good, serve as a reminder and it is not fatal. Knowing that keeping a distance would be good for everybody.

You know all the theory but you just don't seem to apply it when it bumps into someone. Someone you were once thought to be the one and you found another one. Then you got confused.

It's alright. 20s are meant to be adventurous. Whatever you call it. I am gonna keep my door wide open. It was once close yet I have to open it up again.

Baby, we only get to live once. Pick it up and carry on.

Texting too much?

Another weird behaviour as well. How many of us really read and reply each and every time when you check your phone?

Is there any possibility that there's still men that don't check their phone every 1 second? Unless you don't care the sender right?

When you don't text somebody so much, it means at least two possibilities. Either you have losses the interest on him or her or you have grown secure with him or her. That's something weird because it is a very grey line. 

How to identify that? Well that needs your own judgments. Everybody has a different approach towards it and the line may or may not be clear.

Just done my half an hour "walking" on the treadmill. Feeling tired and slight dizzy. Guess I should do more but my mind tells me otherwise. Hmm... I think Zumba won't hurt.

Anyhow text and reply still a habit for me. Guess I am the rare one to feel secure when someone get reply from me even though they may not care. I do find that I will reply slower or forget to reply to someone I find pointless or less interested.

Erm... That can be bring into this topic as well. As people have less interest in you, it carries no doubt that they put less effort on you. Sarcastically people whom love you or care about you do reply you late sometimes as well, it is so called as "take for granted".

Just be yourself. Love yourself. Embrace yourself. Someday there will be someone to reply your messages on time and act on time. Don't rush.

Clingy

I knew one day I would write something for this topic. Clingy. So ironic. Clingy.

Question throws back to myself. Am I clingy? I would say yes. I am clingy kind of person. If I am not when I am with you, then probably you are not someone I can rely on or not reliable enough.

People tend to be clingy when they find someone more capable or reliable. Do you agree with that? It's like you'd be clingy with your parents. You'd be clingy with your partner. Your children will be clingy with you.

Clingy has nothing to do with independent in my opinion. Be independent is everyone's natural outcome. Surprisingly independent people will be clingy too. They've been strong or brave for so long. They need some soft times as well.

I am clingy. I need to get my partner close. Not as close as in the bed but within my parameter. Is that a right word? Not so sure. But I wouldn't like to be too far away. Of course certain distance is to be kept to ensure the personal space is secured.

After dating for awhile, you would agree with me that keeping a distance is great for the both world. Getting too close give rise to dry and tough relationship due to there's no more mysterious part to share.

Some partners they can, super close. Like day and night stick together. But until certain stages, they split either. Not breakup but got themselves some me times to do things they would like to do it alone.

I will be clingy. I will be childish. I will be thinking too much. So far these are what I have discovered from myself. From past experience. It is weird to share it here but nobody cares. I learnt to be independent from my daily life. When nobody you can count on but to be strong.

Draw strength from the unknown. Gain strength from quality sleep. Though I didn't have much lately. My body weight has increased significantly due to my unhealthy lifestyle. But anyhow I love myself. 

I am just living my life. Guess it has yet to reach a point to get me to change yet. Hmm... I wish I can be not clingy. Perhaps one day. When things get so cliché and got tired of it like all the rest, find that clingy or not things work out the same way.

I kind of worry that too. Am I gonna turn out to be those I have hated once? Are we? Those you've said to be ignorant? Are we shaping ourselves to be one? Are the norms of society really change us? The power of influence is intimidating.

Too overwhelmed when you actually think of future development. Countless outcome could have taken place. Let us hope for the best. For who doesn't. May God bless us all.

Something like love

What is love? What is it actually? A sense of pleasure or what? Is sex a kind of love? Isn't that should be lust?

Lately I am stuck in things like this.

I don't know. What do I want? That's the question you know. Some seek for money or in another word, security. Some seek for companionship. Some simply seek for the feelings of being wanted.

I find saying I love you is so ironic now.

Not sure what am I saying or doing now. I don't want my 20s become all empty with experience left but nothing significant to remember.

It's like my 19. I hardly know what had happened back then. It's all empty. Of course something happened as I become who I am today. Hmm...

Is that something like love between us?

Are we moving too fast? Do you know who I am? Do I know you well enough? Are you sure I am "the one"? After a while I find "the one" is so hmm... Subjective.

I leave those questions open. I know I will find the answer in time.

Over?

It has been awhile since I last update this blog. I hope there's nobody reading yet I published it here for like everybody whomever got this link then it is publicly readable article. 

Anyhow, that's not the point. 

Over? I've been thinking about it for awhile. Ever since the day before Bangkok trip. I had lots of fun in Bangkok trip this year. It's a good city to go, affordable and easy. 

Hmm... And I suddenly understand that, all that I've been through were just a "been-through", nothing but part of the history. I thought it meant more than that, but later I realise that nope, this is it. That's the ending of it. 

I jump back to one and a half year ago.  While I was still working in Crowe Horwath before I got dismissed. Things were getting cranky back then. Everything seems so mixed up and headache is like everyday.

Stressful days I would say. And yet I made it through. Surprisingly when I look back myself, no matter how hard the situation was, I've made it through... Or not, I am sitting right here to write all these shits.

It's the end for us. I kind of blurr and don't know it is so soon. Sigh... Who would have known right. That's why the old said it's good to enjoy the process because everything comes to an end. And the result is the end, process keeps it rolling. 

I love myself, I'm trying everyday to love myself. For one whom doesn't love themselves, how do you expect they love someone else.  They are oblivious of their own needs. Hmm... Simply my own opinion though.

Alright. Nothing much to say. Nothing much to do. Let it go. And appreciate what life brings me. I don't expect much now. Since I don't know whether it will be another one year or more than one year, let's hope for the best. God bless us all.  Amen!