What if I have an amnesia too?

I haven't update this side for quite sometimes. Had been really busy these couple months. Things just keep show up and buzz my head off. 

Though, I got them all resolved. 

Happened to listen to some old song tracks that I kept in the old hardisk. Remind me of how time has passed. I mean, without those memories, I have completely no fucking idea how I got here, where I am now. 

It has been 2 years, should be more than that, approximately 2.5 years. I still not yet get over it. The shadow of darkness still haunt me once in a while, once in a very while now. 

Now I got my routine in Kuching. Work, study, gym, leisure activities, food. Practically I got a life here already, and it is really nice. What drive me into some dead-end is the loneliness that visits me quite frequent these days. 

No idea, how could it be, but it's true, feel so lonely sometimes. But when I think of partner, shhhew... go away, bad idea. I am not interested now. 

What if I have an amnesia too? forgot 5 years of memories in my life, so I will be go back to 2008, before I complete my SPM, wow, it will be hard for me, I wouldn't know that how I finished my SPM and all in a sudden, I am ACCA student already. 

And in that case, I will be still a virgin..... of love. haha... 

Perhaps I wouldn't be happier, I might just get very confused and hate again my life. True, if you are an unhappy person, no matter how's the situation turn out to be, you will still be able to find the unhappy part out of the happy part and make yourself unhappy, same goes to happy people. 

Bright and dark are always come along. Well, I seem to bullshit again. 

Guess that's all. I miss someone again, but I've decided not to disturb other people's life. So yeap, keeps that promise sound. 

Goodnight. 

18/11/2013

One Day

One day, I am gonna do that.
One day, I am gonna buy that car.
One day, I am gonna marry her.

People have their one day, sort of their ultimate dream they keep inside their mind and driving them alive and moving towards it.

I don't really sure of my one day. I keep change my one day after I know more stuffs. Like how some of the friends work. Nowadays, people can make friends for the sake of friends making.

We met and we talked and we're friends. We need friends. But we no need to contact them and keep in touch with them. Because you are too busy in making new one and at the mean time, you complain that you don't have any friends.

That happens everyday. Every single day.

One day, I will be a better person than who I am now. I love myself. I always love myself. I just hope I get improved all the times.

If somebody came into my life, either that somebody could be a blessing or could be a lesson.

I got some lessons lately. I learnt a lot.
And now it's time to bed.

Lesson

Life's the same. Days are the same. Activities are the same either. I am the same but different of course.

A week just passed by like a blink. Learnt something new. It shouldn't be classified as new. Should be repractising the old incidents again.

I wasn't ready, I always know that but I never really go understand that. Love is a very sensitive subject to me. I claimed to be loss confidence of it and yet I get caught by the illusion.

Overanalyse things, over-exaggerate the little feelings. I am just crazy.

I like things that I might not be able to get but I might get it if I got enough luck. Obviously I wasn't pretty much taken care by the lucky angel. I got my eyes on two things, should one thing and one person.

Eventually I failed on these two. Amazing things are I still survive. I am still breathing, hard and strong. That's how God works you know. And I learnt that count on your hardwork, do not overdepend on luck.

It failed usually.

And now I go back to where I stand and relax and I am going to restart again. I got lots of friends.

Friends that exist, just exist on this planet with zero interaction with me. That's pretty cool. You cannot claim that you don't have friends. You do have, they just too busy with their own life, just like how you do, busy with your own life.

I am lucky to have a few that I can actually share my thought, and this time I understand that not everyone can be good friends with you. Some are just meant to fit in the exist but no interaction group. That's good too. At least you know they are there, friends.

I am that kind of very talkative person. I need communication to keep things go on. I obviously writing all these because I am technically literally unbalance within myself now.

Hahaha... However I try to look the bright side. At least people make the situation pretty clear to me. Good or bad, since it's clear, then it's good. =)

I am going home. Thanks God.
Go back to the place that love never die.
I love myself. Sometimes I pity of him too. To be that easily to fall and get hurt.

That's a lot lesson learnt. Make me a better person and get ready for the next one. 

Ambiguous

Ambiguous, often refer to vague, things that are unclear, uncertain, or come with many meaning with different interpretation. 

I draw up this topic because something happened to me recently. 

Actually nothing really happened. I finished the peak period like one day ago. And I was that stress and everything get loose by overnight. This is not very much related to the topic, I am still thinking how to bring the message out in an appropriate manner. 

I met a person. Yea, I met a lot of person. I meet people every single day. We all did. There's nothing special with it. 

Yea, Don't avoid the topic, I met a person. I feel something extra, but I am uncertain. I refused to say anything, I keep telling myself in my head that I gone crazy or nuts again. I must be too desperate, that's just illusion, all will be changed like two days later. 

I don't know. That's the answer I found, or excuses I gave myself. I don't know. 
I feel something, nothing about body contact, it's warm. It's safe, I feel like protecting someone or devoting for someone. I don't know. I am unsure and uncertain of all sort of feelings that I had, and I still have. 

I am confused. Well we're still friends. I hope that I don't scare people away. Slim myself down a little bit didn't boost much confidence to my guts. I still get scare or afraid when I want to step to that stage. Fear of uncertainties, fear of rejection, there are fears. 

Now I sort it out a little bit, I read this quote this morning.
"你就是过于放大自己对男生的好感，以为那就是爱。让自己的心慢下来，就好了。那些所谓让你摇摆不定的爱情，其实，离爱远着呢~ —— 苏小懒《诠释爱》"
It's true. I was just magnify my feeling, like I thought, I wasn't well trained in controlling my emotions, instead, I always let my emotions flow. Now it's the perfect opportunity to control it. 

Let times tell the story. 

I like it. But I gotta make it slow this time. I want it to stay, and I hope it to last. But future is vague and fill with uncertainties. All I got to do, is calm down my nerve and yea, make a better person of myself. 

First, be responsible of my own emotion. I can't be sad and expect others to cheer me up. I gotta be the one who cheer people up. 
Second, be confident! I am always confident of myself, so be confident. 
Third, be kind. That's the hardest part, I am selfish, to protect myself, well, practices make perfect. Be kind. 

Lol, I've said so much, but my heart still like expecting something. 

It's enough now. Lunch time. I really need the workout tonight, to bring all the wonders and negativity away! Woohoo! 

Failing

08/08/2013

It is the worst yet the best day ever happened on me. On this day, I failed my exam for the very first time. It's like the end of the world.

I see it though, before I acknowledge the actual result. I kind of like foreseen it. But people, greedy like me, tend to hope to count on some unrealistic and unreliable luck.

I wasn't even study for this paper honestly. I deserved what I got. But the point is why am I so upset? I guess I really got overthrown by my luck for the previous passed papers.

I scored 47 in this audit paper. Thinking in a positive way, the examiner did acknowledge my talent. At least my writing, hey, a candidate without study through the whole text and just seems to apply all what he got and draw from common sense, 47 is a compliment, perhaps an establishment.

I am not joking, I am serious! I am happy on the other hand. I finally fail, eventually, though I never know that I couldn't take it so easy. But I survived. I am still breathing here and popping out with so many stories here. Apparently, I am at least 80% recovered.

Why would I say it's the best day to me either. It taught me to be humbled, no man is undefeatable, you just gonna be prepared. The God of luck isn't always on your side. I guess I learned something today.

I attached my results slips here together as a reminder that to me and to everyone, who may concern, study, you gotta be prepared. Or else, one day, soon or later, it will come down on you. Unexpected way, perhaps unknowingly destructive towards your confidence or even your academic achievement. I sound so like bullshitting now, in fact I am.

Anyway, this is my first fail in Acca. Hopefully the last as well. God bless.

Do You Need to Eat After Lifting Weights to Gain Muscle?

March 13, 2013 by Armi Legge 

Want to gain muscle? Then…

1. Lift weights.

2. Eat — a lot.

If you’re doing those two things — you’ll grow.

However, according to many sources, when you eat might be more important than how much.

In theory, you’ll recover faster and gain more muscle and less fat if you eat as soon as possible after your workout.1,2 Preferably within at least 30 minutes — a period called the

“anabolic window.”

There are a few rare situations when this is probably true. Most of the time, however, you don’t have to be this rigid about when you eat to achieve optimal muscle growth.

Note: This article covers the need to eat after weight lifting for muscle growth, not after endurance training for recovery. That’s for another article.

3 Reasons Eating After a Workout Might Increase Muscle Growth

After extensively reviewing the literature on this topic, Alan Aragon and Brad Schoenfeld summarized the three main theoretical reasons why it’s important to eat after exercise for muscle growth:3

1. Replenish muscle glycogen.

2. Halt protein breakdown.

3. Stimulate protein synthesis.

1. Replenish muscle glycogen.

Training with low muscle glycogen has a negative effect on muscle growth.

After exercise, your muscles are better able to turn glucose (sugar) into glycogen. This effect disappears soon after a workout. Therefore, eating carbs about 1-2 hours after a workout will restock glycogen levels much faster than if you wait. This will, in theory, increase muscle growth and recovery.

2. Halt protein breakdown.

If you want to gain muscle, protein synthesis (anabolism) has to be greater than protein breakdown (catabolism).

Protein Building – Protein Breakdown = Muscle Growth or Loss

After a workout, muscle proteins degrade and rebuild faster than normal (increased protein turnover). In theory, consuming protein and/or carbs soon after a workout will stop muscle proteins from being broken down sooner, largely by spiking insulin levels. If fewer muscle proteins are destroyed after each workout, this could increase muscle growth over time.

3. Stimulate protein synthesis.

Eating protein after a workout is supposed to optimize the other side of the same equation by increasing muscle protein synthesis. This boost in protein synthesis after each workout is supposed to increase muscle mass.

All of these theories make sense. However, there’s good reason to believe none of these short-term effects are as important as they might seem.

Why Most People Don’t Need to Eat Immediately After a Workout for Optimal Muscle Growth

In most cases, you don’t need to eat immediately after lifting weights to optimize muscle growth.

Photo via Flickr

If you wait to eat carbs several hours after your workout, your glycogen levels will still be restocked about 8-24 hours later.4,5

The only time it’s probably necessary to consume carbs in the post-workout window is if you perform at least two glycogen depleting workouts, with the same muscle group, within eight hours.6 If you don’t eat carbs soon after the first workout, you may not be ready for the second.

Even if you exercise the same muscle group twice per day, you’ll still probably have enough muscle glycogen to perform well in the second workout.

A moderate volume workout of around 6-9 sets per muscle group only depletes about 36-39% of your muscle glycogen.7,8 If you do more than that in two workouts within eight hours, eating carbs soon after your first workout is a good idea.

You’re probably still digesting your last meal after a workout.

If you’ve eaten a normal meal several hours before your workout, your insulin, amino acid, and glucose levels are still going to be high several hours after the workout.

Most mixed meals will keep your insulin levels high enough to stop protein breakdown for 4-6 hours.9 A 45-gram dose of whey protein will do the same for about two hours.10 Technically, a single meal before your workout could “… function as both a pre- and an immediate post-exercise meal…,” writes Aragon and Schoenfeld.3

There’s also emerging evidence that increased protein synthesis, rather than decreased protein breakdown, may be the main trigger for muscle growth after exercise and eating.11 Interestingly, eating protein post-workout doesn’t seem to matter for this purpose either.

You don’t need to eat immediately after exercise to maximize protein synthesis (and it might not matter if you did).

Most studies have shown that if you eat protein before, immediately after, or several hours after your workout, your muscle protein synthesis will be about the same.12-14 As long as you consume enough protein by the end of the day, your body generally has no trouble growing new muscle tissue (assuming a semi-normal meal schedule of 2-4 meals throughout the day).

On the other hand, one study found that consuming essential amino acids and sucrose (sugar) before strength training did not increase muscle protein synthesis afterwards compared to fasting.15 These inconsistent results imply that “…the available data lack any consistent indication of an ideal post-exercise timing scheme for maximizing MPS [muscle protein synthesis],” writes Aragon and Schoenfeld.3

It’s also debatable how important the immediate rise in protein synthesis is after exercise, since a significant portion of muscle growth occurs later. Protein synthesis rises significantly about 3-4 hours after exercise, peaks at about 24 hours, and returns to normal 36-48 hours later.16-18 Furthermore, the short-term rise in protein synthesis after exercise does not always predict long-term muscle gain.19

Assuming the short-term rise in protein synthesis after a workout will produce long-term muscle growth, “…is speculative, at best.”3

If you eat enough protein by the end of the day, you probably aren’t losing anything in terms of muscle growth, regardless of whether you eat it post-workout.

On the other hand, several studies have shown that eating protein and/or carbs around exercise can increase muscle growth and strength, compared to eating earlier or later.

However, subjects in two of these studies consumed pre- and post-exercise nutrition20 (and in one case, also creatine),21 which makes it impossible to tell if the post-workout meal increased muscle growth. In contrast, two other studies have found no difference in muscle growth or strength when subjects ate protein immediately before and after workouts compared to those who did not.22,23 Overall, the evidence is not clear if eating post-workout will help you gain more muscle.

In another study, the group who ate immediately after exercise also ate more total protein, which may have helped them gain more muscle.24 Several of these studies also used untrained or older subjects, and the results might not be as relevant for trained weight-lifters or younger athletes.

That said, there are a few times when you’ll probably gain more muscle if you eat soon after a workout.

When Eating After a Workout May be Best for Muscle Growth

After fasted training.

If you train after an overnight fast (i.e. in the early morning before breakfast), you may get better results if you eat protein and carbs immediately afterwards.

Protein breakdown is higher after fasted training.25 Eating soon afterwards will decrease protein breakdown, which may increase muscle growth over time.26

If you don’t have time to eat after a fasted workout (or don’t want to), you may be able to limit protein breakdown by consuming some protein beforehand. As little as 6-10 grams of essential amino acids or 20 grams of whey protein can keep your amino acid levels high for around 2-3 hours.14,27,28

You can probably get the same benefits from branched chain amino acids (BCAAs), which are thought to be the most important amino acids for muscle growth. 29-33 They can also favorably affect gene expression for muscle growth when consumed before fasted training.34

There’s also some short-term data showing fasted training might be better for muscle growth, assuming you eat afterwards.35

Training more than 3-4 hours after your last meal.

Training 3-4 hours after a meal isn’t technically fasting, but it may be long enough to make post-workout nutrition more important for muscle growth.

A normal mixed meal will keep amino acid levels high for about 5-6 hours.36 After a 45-90 minute workout, plus time to shower, drive home, etc, your amino acid levels almost will be back to fasting levels. In this case, eating some protein (>25 grams) may be best if you’re trying to gain muscle.3

However, you can still probably work around this by consuming a small amount of protein beforehand like you would for fasted training.3

If you’re leaner and/or more experienced.

If you’re leaner or you’ve been training for a while, you may need to be more careful about eating around your workouts. However, it’s still up for debate if you need to eat post-workout. Eating several hours pre-workout may work just as well.3

If you’re depleting the same muscle group of glycogen multiple times per day with exercise.

If you perform at least two glycogen-exhausting workouts, with the same muscle group, within eight hours, you may need to eat within 1-2 hours after the first workout.6 If you don’t, you may not be recovered for the next session.

However, most people trying to gain muscle don’t train this much or this often. You’d probably have to do about 20-30 sets per muscle group in each workout (at least twice a day) in order to require an immediate post-workout meal to optimize recovery for the second workout.

If you’re an older athlete trying to gain muscle.

Older people often don’t gain as much muscle with the same amount of weight training and protein intake as youngsters, a phenomenon called “anabolic resistance.”37 Eating extra post-workout protein may help overcome this problem.3

One study found that 74-year old men who ate protein and carbs immediately post-workout gained more muscle and strength than those who ate 2-hours after exercise.38 However, another study found that elderly men did not gain more size or strength when they ate protein immediately before and after exercise or a placebo.39

A Simple Formula for Eating to Gain Muscle

In the same review mentioned earlier, Aragon and Schoenfeld created a simple formula for around-workout nutrition to maximize muscle growth:3

Eat about 0.4-0.5 grams of high quality (high in BCAA) protein per kilogram of lean body mass in your pre- and post-workout meal.

Here’s how to use this formula if you weigh 100 kilos at 20% body fat:

1. Find your lean body mass.

100 kilos (220 pounds) * lean body mass (.8) = 80 kilos

2. Multiply your lean body mass by 0.4 and 0.5.

80 * 0.4 = 32

80 * 0.5 = 40

In this case, you would want to eat between 32 and 40 grams of protein in your pre- and post-exercise meal. This would be equal to about 1.5-2 skinless, boneless chicken breasts, or 1.5-2 scoops of whey protein.

Your pre- and post-workout meals should be at most 3-4 hours apart, assuming your workout is about 45-90 minutes. If you eat your protein in a mixed meal (with carbs, fiber, fat, etc.), you can probably wait 5-6 hours.

If you train fasted, eating about 6-grams of essential amino acids or branched chain amino acids, or 20-grams of whey protein before your workout can let you delay your post-workout meal for another 2-3 hours. When you do eat, it’s probably best to shoot for the upper end of the protein recommendations — 0.5 grams per kilogram of lean body mass or slightly more.

It doesn’t matter when you eat carbs for muscle growth as long as you eat enough by the end of the day.

The Post-Workout “Anabolic Window” is Much Wider Than You Might Think

If you want to gain muscle, you need to eat after exercise. How soon you eat is not usually as important.

Over the long-term, most studies have shown that you don’t need to eat immediately after exercise to optimize muscle growth. There are certain situations where it may be more important, but there are still a few shortcuts to make your eating schedule more flexible.

As long as you hit your total calorie and macronutrient goals by the end of the day, post-workout nutrition is not usually crucial for muscle growth.

In later articles we’ll explore nutrient timing for endurance sports. Click here to subscribe by email to have these articles delivered to your inbox.

A special thanks for Alan Aragon and Brad Schoenfeld for their excellent review on this topic that was the primary inspiration for this article. Alan was also kind enough to review and approve this article before it was published.

Disclosures: None.

Research Team

Privacy Policy

Terms of Use

Copyright © 2013 Imprüvism

Stuck, so spark!

在哪里存在，就在哪里绽放。不要因为难过，就忘了散发芳香。
—— 渡边和子《就在你所在的地方生根开花》

I just read this from one of the social media online. Lately I am always get stuck in a maze, maze that created by myself. It's hard to describe or even sort it out. That's why people said don't think too much. You are just gonna turn the situation into real bad meanwhile the actual stuff not even look any like them. 

We are being overly influenced by the media nowadays. Everyone got their own pattern of imagination. Sometimes when I see something like, rock falling down, I can even match it with a big "BOMB" sound effect in my head. That's how much I get influenced. 

Same goes to the picturing of how pathetic my life is, actually it's not. I am so much blessed. I got no need to list it out why I think I am blessed, but at least in the population of most unfortunate people on earth, I am not on the list, hardly even classified under pathetic too. 

My point is everyone got a moment of weakness. 

And so I focus on what I am doing now. My job nevertheless, very fulfilling, big portion of my life, second coming up is my gym. So far so good, I am impressed by my own progress. Okay, I am just sharing, though I am still very big, but I think I should praise myself a bit and the rest praise to Lord. 

My starting bodyweight is 126.80kg, and it is SERIOUSLY unimaginable! I can't even imagine that, I am still big now, my current bodyweight is 108.00kg. How did I look like in 126.80kg? It scares me and on the other hand, it motivates me, to work more. 

The minor part would be study, Gosh. I know this is really bad, really bad to put such a small portion for my study. I am going to turn 21 in the coming December. But I really feel like I am 27 or 28 already. I really not comfortable to still go to class but I ought to. I am not pro until can pass an ACCA paper without lecturer deliver and explain the knowledge from the textbook.

Excelsior, from the explain of Patrick "Pat" Solitano Jr, "This is what I believe to be true, This is what I learnt in the hospital, you have to do anything you can, you have to work your hardest, and if you do, if you stay positive, you have a shot at silver lining!"

It's a lovely Sunday. Gonna be very full schedule. Might as well, I rest more before I actually start off the day. 

Eating

I do it everyday. People do it everyday. Living life do it everyday, every single minutes or seconds.

I was sort of emotionally discomfort these few days. Was aiming to eat something big but just afraid that massive intake might just spoil my diet plan.

Anyway today is the trigger day. I just get really embarrassed this morning. Then I drive all the way to place that far from my routine during lunch time. Talk with mom along my journey. She is always there for me.

Very understanding. And smooth. I just get bothered by some tiny but meaningful stuff that happened to me on last Sunday. Well. It's Thursday. Time flies.

People move on too. Though I really hate touch and go. Hmm. But it's fine. I've deleted all the channel of such inappropriate behavior pattern of people that might get chance to approach me and hurt me. What did I just write. I just went crazy.

Anyway. I mean I am okay with it now. Massive workload inside the office doesn't allow me to be emotional everyday. I got lots of things need to perform though my pay is low.

I just eat la. For today. Then I feel so much relieved. But only today. =)

Shopping

This post supposed to be done by last night.

Shopping, it can be a fun thing but it can be a tragic as well. Depends on how well is your control ability. Well, here I am talking those who spend what they earned.

Not those who have no need to earn but their parents will provide everything for them. I am just jealous. Yea! Jealous. Haha... How cool could it be. I have no need to work hard and I can get a Honda civic for my birthday present on my 20th.

I was just being sarcastic. That's pretty cool. His dad is capable of handling that kind of expenses, happy for him.

Go back to the topic, yea, like what we can see from the picture I attached in this post, it's a hush puppies tee. Unfortunately I have bought it. Well, like what all others said, it seems so nice when you try it on. But it became less attractive after you bring it home.

I agree. And this shirt is not cheap FOR ME! It might be cheap FOR some people, but not me. It's inappropriate for me to disclose the price here but whoever have been to hush puppies concept store should've known that the price range of its tee.

I can only afford to buy this and a jean, for this month. Or else, I will be eating grass for the rest of July and get arrested. I love shopping, Erm, because it really need my concentration.

Since I have limited budget on purchasing new stuff, I become more cautious and more choosy when I do my procurement. Although everytime the things that I bought turned out to be less worthy than I thought, proven that there's still lots of practice to do.

Practices make perfect right. I am tired. Lately. I didn't do my shopping like one month or two already. It's been sometimes. Really sometimes. Many reasons behind it. Limited of budget would be the major causes.

I just good. You know, I try my best to make sure I am good. I always need to remind myself to be good. Do not loss faith, I lose my edge sometimes. But usually I will gain it back in the morning or the dawn. To survive another day.

There's so much I can share. But I gotta go home. Sitting alone in the Starbucks without ordering, Erm, I am awkward which I'm not used to feel that way. I gotta go home.

Well, goodnight.

缘起缘灭终是缘

死心眼。以前还以为自己是个多么坦然的人，又什么心思不是写在脸上就是说在口中。

可是自从离开家里，坚持的跑出来之后，有很多事情都变得与我以前了解的不一样。我是个不喜欢改变的人，可是连我自己都一直改变。

有时，真的很无奈。二零一一年的二月。那是我第一次碰见他的时间。我们其实根本什么都不是。但是现在偶然想起，很无奈亦很无语，现在无论碰到谁，心里都会个比较。

我其实并不怎么记得他长的什么样子。这也是我的遗憾，那一次第一次动心的感觉却忘了动心的人的样子。午夜梦回，似乎有梦过他，大家至少是朋友还能聊天。现实中我把我的联络方式换了，回家乡的时候也不出门，就怕遇见他。

我还是放不下，明明知道并真切的了解这一切的缘由因果。死心眼就是这个解释吧！现在工作了两年多，也还是单身，除了拿減重为由之外，多半也是因为心底的那抹影子还在，不深也不浅，就搁在那儿。

常常告诉自己，他或许早把我给忘了，甭说一年，一个月都可以沧海桑田。可这死心眼啊，真是固执啊！他记不记得是他的事，我放不放得下是我的选择。而我的心选择继续。

时过境迁抑或是事过境迁，我再也未踏足我俩曾经去过的地方。我从前好喜欢海边，好喜欢看海听海。似乎在海边坐着，看着看着，听听海风吹过耳际的声音，有时感触起来，或带些泪水，那是多么放松解压的一个地方。有多少美好的爱情故事与海边有关。

现在的我不怎么想去海边，带着一些抗拒，那一个下午，我俩手牵着手漫步于海边的下午，那一刹那我到现在还忘不了，时常在我发呆的时候涌现上心头，打破我平静无波澜的心。

但是再怎么波涛汹涌的都好，终究还是自个儿给平静下来，前几个月还好，日记记叙的还有些感触，有时听听歌里的词意还会被感触，现在也不知是好多了还是麻木了，没什么涟漪了，喜欢一个人，也讨厌一个人。一个人好冷，可是和一群不懂我心的大伙儿一起我更冷。

寄情于工作并把自己忙的不知所以然，喘不过气的结果就是这样。好像火山爆发一样的去抒发。长大最悲哀的又最无奈的地方就是无论夜里你哭得多悲凉，伤得多痛，明早起来你还是得坚强并带着笑脸继续生活下去。

会发现很多事情会过滤后才跟父母说，因为他们会担心伤心，为了让他们不伤心，你得自个儿把这伤心给吞了，在你心底闷烂了坏了然后消化它。

我承认我想他，或许是更想念当初的我俩。当真是若“人生若只如初见”。

一直很想问“你还好吗？” 但是我想还是放弃，不打扰或许是我能为他做的。好好活下去也是我应该做的。

天涯海角有穷时，只有相思无尽处。

Faith

Starting with this title is kind of heavy to me. I am sticking with it all the time. I am talking about the believing part. I ought to do that.

Life is just so tough until you can't even breath properly. You forced to hold your breath sometimes. Faith, that's what the people said you know. In the dark times, people started to lose their hope.

As we all know, hope is the only thing that drives us to move on. Without hope, you won't work, you won't run, everything would just be meaningless, ain't ya agree with me?

I do have hopes either. With that believe, I keep my mouth shut, literally try not to fight back with the unnecessary talk same goes with the unworthy man. Fat man in precise. It's unedurable I must say, all the time.

Most of the time I just keep silent and act as a deaf. Hear nothing and react nothing. I am who I am today because the faith that I'm believing in. God brought me into this. I am pretty sure he is sticking with me through this too. I gotta find out the meaning within.

That's why I am still bearing with it. I ain't a good man. I am mean, and I got a limited numbers of friends either. I am usually alone. I am sad about that sometimes. However, most of the times I rather stay alone by myself. Because I am thinking.

Thinking of what? The plan. The steps. The schedule. Or nothing. I need the time that I am totally only to myself. No others around. It's me gonna stick with for the rest of my life. We all do need to learn to be alone sometimes. I told myself that. And then I allow myself to just be alone.

Faith. It's the thing that drives me everyday. I am holding onto it so tight. I do doubt about myself once in a while. But I stop that immediately. I couldn't risk to doubt it and if I found out that it is wrong, it is misleading. I can't.

May God be with me. I am used to be self centered. Now I still am. May God be with me. That's all I ask. Have faith.

Patience

Yes, patience. Last night was another breakdown. But it's alright. Everything is fine.

I felt like I am all alone and like an single island. Breathless, restless, frustration were all bombarded within myself last night. It's good to let them release the pressure.

I get to know myself better. Everything happens for a reason. How I got where I am now got a reason behind as well. U just need to understand and remember the reason again.

Yea. It's the disgusting feeling. I get disgusted with some people. I get really uncomfortable with. I think they might feel the same either. Because the interaction between people is always a two way traffic.

Therefore, I get anti-social and feel all the way I am now. It's the consequences of my feelings. And since there's the case, I got nothing to be remorsed about.

I love myself. I know I am unique and I am pretty sure everyone else also unique. In the mean time, I just need to be patience. Be patience.

=)

Unendurable

This is hard and this is tough. Realize I only remember and update this whenever I am not having a good time.

Seriously my life was good, it's still fine. But just Erm, I don't know. Or I may know, but I just got no idea what to do about it.

It is really unbearable. I don't feel to talk to anyone. Later I found even if I want to, I got limited or even none to talk to. It's like I lay a concrete wall in front of me, beside me and behind me, I locked myself down.

And instead of breaking down the walls, I get self-sympathy and getting used to those walls. Kind of, sort of, "safe barrier"!

I just went to watch white house down alone. The movie is spectacular! It's impressive, I was impressed by Jamie Foxx. Channing Tatum is charming like always. I just love the way he acts. Very masculine.

After the movie, I got panic. I wanted to get out of the hall as fast as I can. Eventually I get rid of the slowmoving crowd, instead, I walked faster and leave the building either.

Anti social, is that what they called? I am kind of sensitive to the surrounding. Hmm... Like right now, I just feel cool and lonely. It's biting me, the ignorance is biting me.

I am tired now. Really gotta sleep. Life's tough, there's still a long way to go.

蛋饼

刚刚为家人准备午餐的时候，看着那煎锅上的蛋饼突然想起了你，于是乎我问那蛋饼说你是否安好，只见那蛋饼没回答什么，就颜色渐深，突然我了解了什么。

东西要见好就收，不然误了时辰，这蛋饼也成了焦饼，饼糊了，也就吃不得了。

就跟咱俩情形一样的，咱们都误了时辰，都糊了，都吃不得了，最后也都散了。

Random incident in church

多可爱的一个讲员，恶人与义人，
会进来这儿的哪一个不是罪人，
能活着讲话的哪一个没有做过一些坏事，
能走路的人哪一个没有做过一些见不得光的事。

我是罪人、恶人、社会边缘人、任何你认为是该死“有罪”应该被摒弃的人，
但是主让我好好活着，一定有他的意义，所以那些批评谴责你要说多少都行，反正一个礼拜听一次 ，

你开心就好。

Overwhelming

Yea, talking about overwhelming, I've been driving myself too harsh lately. I purposely did that to make myself hmm... Busier, less free times, just keep to make myself occupied.

Eventually I was overwhelmed. But now the feeling has over and overwhelmed me. Though I am fine, exactly who I was. I am tired. I am always tired.

Works, gym, study, my life is simple. Ain't complicated like those celebrities or the messiet politician. But I am overwhelming and self consuming now. I am like don't know where to start and how to say.

I wanted to go home and maybe have a little break. But I'm sure that if I do so, there's consequence waiting for me. The cash flow difficulties, the tight liquidity issues.

Life is short but not simple. Too many considerations and compromisation need to be taken care of and take into account of our own personal feelings. The remedy. Gosh. It's really overwhelming.

I am exhausted and yet I still need to stand up again and fight with that. I fought with it before. Ain't everybody did the same? For their life. For their future? For their believes? For something they hold on to? Yea we all did.

Guess I should try to go to sleep. It's getting late. Life's like this. Tell myself that everything's gonna be okay, as the old man always said so.

It's gonna get darker before the dawn arrives.

Think out of the box

Yea, this is what I am saying now. Think out of the box. Unbelievable right?

A moment ago, I was actually very frustrated about my study. Because of my overconfidence, and yea now it results in the underestimation of level of competency and difficulty in digesting so many chapters and contents over such a limited time frame.

Well. I figured since that I've prepared to fail, why still I worry?! Ain't I should be relieved? The truth is I ain't prepared to fail, I was lying. To myself, in order to boost myself to study.

But unfortunately I am really out of luck this time. This is serious. Audit and assurance paper need practice and understanding. Well. I do start to revise some chapters. I will continue to do so.

However now the situation changed. I am prepared to fail, with or without study. So I might as well just study and do my best for everything that I can, as much as possible.

Since I am going to fail anyway, why should I feel bad about it? This is life. We are all gonna fall once in a while to learn something.

Think out of the box, I am actually gaining not losing. Thanks god for this twist of mind. Life could be so much for just one change of way of thinking.

I am glad and happy now. Continue study on tomorrow. Gonna do my best. Cheers. To fail and to a better Leon lai.

人是会动的树，都有看不见的根

所有困惑的人，最终都得面对自我的内心，如果不能从心里产生高边，那么困惑依旧是困惑，问题仍然是问题。当人们明白自己能够改变，也唯有自己可以改变的时候，我们对人生的疑问，才能给出完美的解答。

Emotion loopholes

Sometimes I hope that I could be dead by the dawn. It's just too heavy. I am suffocated. Dreadful burden of scare that everything is gonna fall on me.

I don't feel like I am working or gym-ing. It's more to the job works me, the machine works me. I came to work everyday, I went to gym every night. I hardly get my time to do my own things.

I just feel so pressure. And I am so helplessly seeing all these happening, around me, every day, every second. It's all too tight. I've got no one to talk to either.

I will manage it, I will manage it, that's what I told myself. And I did. I did manage it well, and I am not that happy. I am not that so kind of up and down a lot now. Happy or unhappy is just the mood, not the emotion related. 

I miss someone so bad. I don't understand which part I miss, why I miss, and what for to miss. And it grounded me to move forward. I felt like I am stucked.

It's very late at night now. I should sleep by now. I just can't control it for s moment, weakness for a moment. I started to miss my family, but seriously and honesty it gets shallower.

Maybe I started to understand this is my life, and I got to make my own decisions and bear the risk.

I really should go sleep now.

Coincidence

I am in the church now. Listen to the pastor, I don't know why. Erm, how to phrase this. My mind isn't here.

I didn't attend the Sunday service for two weeks. Something getting strange yet familiar. It's sort of so close yet so far. Very complicated feeling.

I think of coincidence. Think of myself, what happened, what made me became me now. I realize that there is no coincidence. Everything is meant to be happened.

Some people came and taught me something then they leave. Some they tried to stay, but I ought to admit, it was the best I could act back in the days for that situation. I have the regret in my mind always, but when I replay the situation in mind, I am certain that I will still do the same thing.

It's for the best of us. The scar was there. The hurt was there. I chose the least of two evils.

That someone still haunt me like all the times. And I still obsess over that someone either. But life's like this. No matter how you feel, it moves on. Days and nights, time never slow down. Young people old, old people older. Some locked up memories are just destined to be buried and being forget.

Nothing is coincidence. I am me today because of those past. What make me tomorrow is my action today. And I am so pressure sometimes that what can I do to make my tomorrow better. Later I figure it out. It's "be myself".

Love my life and live my life to the fullest. With or without fear. We can't stop being who we are because we are afraid. Life will bring those bad things back to us until we can handle them, or defeat them.

That someone still exist in my life. But I left it aside first. I don't know how long it gonna stay. But I hope when it leave, I can be a better person.

The fire still burn within.

Once again, Nothing is coincidence.

Endless desire

Let's make it this way. I am devastated again.

Just now I was withdrawing the cash from the atm. And then I get the receipt to see how much balance I left in my bank account. Pathetically, it's little. Little until I knew and I know that it won't help me survive through this month.

And why I felt that way? Because I understand how greedy I am and how many temptations out there, and not to mention that I have so many desire within.

I think of a new laptop, a new hardisk, a new cooler pad, a new handphone, a new car, a new room, a new job, yea, endless desire. Cannot satisfied with the current situation. All of the above I understand that I will get them one day, and all they need is just money. The money that I will be able to earn or save one day too.

But, the most important thing I deduced during my shower is that, even I got all those that I wished for earlier on, I won't be happy for long too. I will ask for more, the depth of desire getting deeper. Again, endless desire.

I don't know, I am confused now. Like so dead now, what should I look up to? Who should I look up to? What should I do next?

At last, I think what I need now is sleep.

Goodnight.

Strange night

It's a strange night.

Come with some strange but very familiar feeling back into my creepy head.

Intrude into my deep deep deep database, alright, skip those bullshits.

When I was in the BodyBalance with Orly, when he moved on the relaxation and medication phase, I get messed up. In my head, I get used to calm myself down or sort myself up in place that only me and me. ME ALONE.

Relax in the crowd get me freak out and yea, more thinking cracked out.

I started to miss someone that I shouldn't be anymore. After these few years, still that image will come out to haunt me once in a while or all the while, I guess that's more close to the truth.

I was so close, yea, distance between two fingers, to text that someone, not call, is text. Yes, I don't have the guts to call at all. In fact, that someone called me a few times already... Erm... Not that frequent, but I have no idea what that someone wants from me, in the case that we were ended up not in a good term.

But after I think of what happened last time, though time flies, things changed, I don't think people can change their style in just few months.

And so, yea, I didn't do anything at last. It's a strange night, luckily I am not a drinker, or else, I am in urge to get myself "beered".

I am going to turn 21 this year. This world has turned me down so many times, of course, I get cheer up from the other way as well, but it's utterly true that it's a mess. You live good, you live bad, you are going to die someday either, soon or later, you are getting older.

It's a strange night, to lure all these deep locked up pessimistic thoughts back to me, but since I am aware of it, I will keep them locked up later. Just let me finish this first.

I didn't text after-all. and I am prepare to bed and wishing that someone all the luck and blessings. One piece of me must be still with that someone.

It's a strange night.

Shoes? Worth it?

I was so crazy about one shoes like around two weeks ago. Its name is Nike free trainer 5.0.

This is the latest design of trainer shoes by Nike. Ever since I was a little boy, purchase such an expensive branded item is never my thought or possibility.

Hmm. I was so mad about this. Eventually I got it, like I always did. It's fantastic. It's new. It's refreshing. The color is stunning.

I even bought a new shoes bag for it. Just to protect it from getting dirt which it should be.

It's gonna take a little while longer than last time for me to recover this impact on my saving for my next crazy purchase. But I am cool with this one. This is a pretty and this investment is worthy. So far, it does me an enormous favor in terms of protection of my ankles.

Well, ups and downs. I am happy with this crazy act. And yea, once in a while, it was quite entertaining. Especially how I get this shoes. Contact my friends, pull all my resources, call and make reservation, double confirm. Bla bla bla.

Thanks god for the arrangement that I got the size that I can fit in. That's really something miracles and amazing.

I am happy.

Left 4 Dead 2

This is my very first time to approach the pc games, not to mention that I am born lack of talent in handling this kind of violence zombie-killing, strategic planning, and great teamwork game!

Wow, that's what I deduced from this? YEA! Exactly! It taught me that how important is your teamwork, your teammates, and always work in group, so that you can survive till the end.

Technique is crucial but not essential, if you have an awesome backup teammates, you should rest assure, as they always have your back! So far, that's what they did for me, always help me to clean up the messiest crowd while I have absolutely no idea what the heck I am doing inside.

On the other hand, I found it is great to release my stress, it's like killing someone artificial is rather more stress relieving! Of course, you get intense within, while you are searching for that goddamn safe house along the way, wondering how many threats still on their way to haunt us.

Muahahaha! This is great! I am in love with this game. I am not that addicted but I don't mind if I pay my weekly visit to cybercafe for it on every Saturday. That's the best night outing for me so far! =]

I am quite busy and living a damn hectic life schedule now. With all those workloads, studies, my extra bookkeeping piecework and yea, my gym routine, I found myself stuck sometimes, in the midst that I feel that I am actually drowning myself up. Well, I guess I need better time management then.

Like today, I am gonna sit in front of my table to finish at least two months cash vouchers before I can move to the next place yet! I am planning to join the body pump session in gym later. Hopefully I am on-time! =]

I am busy but I am gladly to say so, I am happy and satisfied with my life now. That's what I hope for, last time. To be busy and no time for those unnecessary bothering emotions haunting.

God bless me! =]

Self confidence

It's good to have self confidence.

I have some wrong feelings towards someone close to my circle.

It's not good to feel that way as it leads to confusion and embarrassment.

I may be single for too long. Oh shittt. I should get myself slim down first. Before any of these ideas run into my head. Workout workout workout.

It's almost the time that I should start study. Or else it will be another too late again. Sigh.

Self confidence ar self confidence. I feel old already.

Mysterious

Just happened to go browse through a few people facebook in less than 10 minutes. I hide them away from my news feed.

Yea, once again prove what I did is appropriate and correct. Sometimes, something we need to leave them undisclosed, better keep it mysteriously, it looks better. I am not saying that we should hide away things.

But just, quote from unknown source, sometimes it's better to know less than know more. The knowing part will be the part that kills you. That's true I supposed.

I got influenced for a little while but I realize that it got nothing to deal with me and yea, it's clear. Since it's irrelevant to me, so no bothering then. Life's too short for me now, unlike the me in previous year, seemed to take everything on my shoulders, even those irrelevant stuffs. And got myself collapsed.

It's good to update myself with the news and those changes. It's shocking news too for me to reconfirm that someone has came out of the closet. Does his family know that part of him? Again, none of my business right? As far as I concern, it's only be me. That's all.

It's a hot day and cloudy. It seems to rain heavily in the afternoon. Hopefully.

I am tired and feel a little bit sick today. Guess no gym today then. Tomorrow I have bodyjam session. Will be prepared for it. Yays!!! =)

Weather

These few days, oh I am sorry, have no idea since when, the weather became so uncontrollable and it seems to exaggerate every simple move.

If it is raining, it rains non-stop and sibeh heavy. If it intends to be sunny, then the heat will just spread to the land without limitations.

I don't know what bullshit am I saying. All I wanted to say are the weather has gone rogue. We ought to drink more water and be extra careful with our own healthy issue.

It's very easy to get heat injury under this kind of weather. And regards the super humid indoor space, we ought to increase the air circulation perhaps by putting more fan blowing here and there. Viruses are very likely to spread around at this humidity level.

It's super hot out there. If I have other options, I won't go out. Luckily I got class until 5pm today. Will just fully utilized the aircond of my college.

So hot!!! 

Strange night

Watch "::首播::丁噹【一個人不可能】 MV官方完整版-三立「真愛找麻煩」插曲" on YouTube

I was listening to the radio, and the Dj was introducing this number. It got me in the first few lines from the very beginning of this song.

I miss someone. Though there is zero possibility, but it's good to know that I keep part of it deep within. Eat with me, breathe with me, and live with me.

I miss that someone so much. And I understand it must be time for me to rest, only when I am truly tired, then the emotional control will be a bit loose.

Life's like this. Goodnight

Raining in the morning

It's Thursday, but it made me feel like Friday because tomorrow is a public holiday and I am so honor that I can't rest. Something related to my performance in the annual dinner just happens to occupy my holiday at the very last minute.

Anyway, it's a lovely morning as it is raining out there, the indoor space will be damn comfy and very chill. But!!!
Please drive carefully.

Just now I was almost involve in an accident. The car in front of my car just stop all in a sudden. Luckily I got my brake fixed so I can pull over to react to it very fast. Then I just realize the front car just kiss on someone's car ass. Owwww .. very unfortunate.

I ought to admit I am happy at that second that it wasn't me who got involved. I feel ashame later. Haha.... I should feel sympathy to them.

Anyway, it's very slippery road out there. And please just drive slow and watch out for all other drivers on road, some might be new hand and some may be their car brake system aren't in place, I don't know. Just be extra careful.

It's a lovely morning I repeat. It is lovely.

Leon Lai
28/03/2013

Personal

You made it so hard on me and I ought to admit that I am hurt. That's very hurt when you made that sentence unknowingly.

I wasn't that care at that moment. Because I think of how "smart" you are and how "efficient" you are by looking on your performance and understanding on your works.

Hmm... I did it with a good intentions. Lack of initiatives, lack of ideas, lack of motivations, lack of almost every criteria. I just don't get it. So meaningless. How could you guys possibly live like that. That's crazy man, I can't even imagine that on myself.

It's something really personal when I heard "bo kuan" from others. Make sure you have possessed a very decent "kuan" to me before you made that silly judgement on me. Let's try I called others Bitch just simply because they laugh, does it link the case to you?

Well, that's pretty much from me. I have been very busy lately and live a really hectic life. Practically my life only revolves around work, study and gym. Very standardized and systematic. Try to balance the things up. My career, my education and my health. Three major part of my life. Things change right?

It's almost the second year I worked in this company. Hmmm.... Learnt a lot and still continue to learn more in every tasks assigned. Well, been through a lot, co-workers without the basic respect, friends with benefits and yea, great friends with understanding. Life's like this, comes in all its way to prove how amazing and how mysterious it could be.

And it's my forth year here either. Four years, many things have changed. I strike to maintain who I am, I got my own attitude to stuffs, I do. I believe anyone who know me will know that. And I will say that I don't care either if you hate me, because afterall, who are you, is none of my business. Might as well just mind my own very matter and focus on those constructive sides.

Along the way, inescapably, I offended some, or a lot. Yea, many persons. Sacrifice, part of learning too. Who asked I am borned with such a rude attitude and straight forward personality. Can't hide it and so I show it.

Well, I have shared plenty of my "personal" life in this. I just want to reemphasize that I have my own "kuan", better judge yourself first before you said that on me. I am so petty heartedly care about that.

Thank you.

Leon Lai
25/03/2013

Unique

Uniqueness. Everyone is different in their own way, own special way. Sometimes, we all have to admit that we hate ourselves.

Okay, I mean myself. I hate myself sometimes, quite frequent back in the days. You know why, because I keep compare myself with others, of course with those good looking, smarter, fitter, everything better than me. Well, it won't last long.

Soon enough, you will find out they have their own weakness too. Be yourself is the point. We all designed differently and we need to appreciate that. I have ignited part of it within me.

Alright, what I said earlier on is all bullshit. We are meant to be different and we are meant to be compared. Only through comparison, we can only know what we are lacking in and then which part of us can be improved right?

Yea, some of us will claim that it's unfair. Yea, it's unfair from the beginning. What can you do about it? Change la! Abuthen! Sit and wait for miracle to happen? That's very irresponsible way of living.

Anyway, we are all unique. Special and embrace our lives as it is. If you don't like it now, do something for it. Or else, just suck it up and move on. Our generations really good in complaining and know how to enjoy without those hardworks. Very fragile and impractical thinking.

But not all of us. For some, we still need to work hard and smart to get the fruits.
Manage to stay true to yourself and always keep in mind that you are unique and deserves to live happily. Every single day.

ENVY

Guess everyone has that feeling once in a while right? 

Envy, jealousy, I feel it quite frequent. Perhaps due to my self-pity attitude, which is absolutely pointless. 
Anyway, my point here is envy, is it good or is it bad?

I think it's good. At least so far what it does to me is just keep me moving and keep me motivated. I am not saying that my motivation power were all draw from envy, but I must admit at least 40++% of it contributed by envy.

I wanted to be better, I wanted to be treated equally. And I am so envy of those who got more but less work done has accomplished. That's not fair but that's how it works in this society. Fair or unfair is up to winners to decide. 

Be yourself, I am being myself, despite my shape, which definitely not who i am , it's just temporarily undercover. I will fix them and shape myself up. =) 

Frankly speaking, I wanted to feel emo now. I feel so tired and bursting, I wish I can be emo enough and tear myself up. However, too bad, songs, movies, old diaries, bla bla bla... couldn't make me feel anything. I am so senseless now ar!!! 

I was in a very awkward situation just now. In a crowd of relatives, blood-related relatives, but I couldn't recognize them. They supposed to be my most familiar relatives, but too sad that I couldn't remember their name either. There was, like, something sort of like a gap between us. 

Hmm... Still no emo, just sad for that. I think I understand how I treat my problem or feelings now, if I can settle that problem although it would be very hard to do so, I will settle it accordingly, so no emo. 

On the other hand, if something I cannot settle at all, it's gonna be a disaster that totally mess up. I will leave it behind, or just leave my hands off. so no emo again. 

The only emo that still work on me, I guess is that person. my ex. 

I am bullshitting again. That's all. 

I am exhausted. Let's call the night. 

Goodnight. 

Leon Lai
16/03/2013

Grown Up

Think of all my past, I realize how childish I was or may be I still am. 

I was too young and apparently unaware of that. I want the attentions and I really favor the discussions.

I shared all my thoughts online, my daily schedule, my current location, basically I just share whatever I have without even thinking "what do I really want? what do I expect? Is that worthy? or is there any point to do so?"

Time flies and things changed, everything was just a fantasy and especially those past failed relationship. 

I watch Ah Boy to Men II last night. Very random one after gym, not to mention I caught the backpain from the body combat and which made me excruciatingly irritated. 

Well, it sort of brought me some new inspirations, I mean the movie itself, despite those bad culture which we all know pretty well, since we used to practice it in our own daily living, don't you dare to exclude yourself from this! HAHAHAHA!!! 

However, there are pretty lots of good stuff inside. Though I don't really get too influenced by now. After all that I've been through, you ought to learn to set a boundary within yourself. You ought to know that everyone has their own style of living, the most comfortable way to survive themselves in this cruel and realistic world. 

We have tonnes of moral value, the question is how much could you possibly posses, or present or could you manage yourself to please everyone at all time. For me, that's pretty impossible and unpractical, though I aware of how rude I was and I still am, selfish, heartless and bla bla bla, long list to go. 

It's not issue with the independence, we all grown up to be a person whom can contribute to the society, to the county and even to the mankind. Sometimes I think live simple and calm is it, do not create problem for others, unnecessary one, life's tough and life's good as well. 

I deduced quite an amount of thoughts from the ABTM2. It's pretty touched, very touched. The moment when Joshua Tan(Ken Chow) read the handwritten letter from his partially-paralyzed-dad, he cried, I cried too. 

I remember his dad written "Son, your dad is half-paralyzed now after I suffered from the strokes and I couldn't speak fluently and so I written it all down. Ever since I am paralyzed, I just aware how lucky and truly blessed I was to be able to walk like normal, to move like normal. Son, do things when you are still capable to do so, but not until one day, you can't do it anymore even though you have a great intention to. It will be too late"

Some sort like that, I cannot quite recall the exact paragraph, but the core is there, do while you are able to do, don't mess up because you just want to mess up. 

I am going to turn 21 this year, very soon, I will be finish my ACCA as well. I don't know where my future gonna take me to. But yea, do while you are able to do. And I am so truly amazingly blessed. 

We've encountered many many inspirations almost every single days from the surrounding. But we only need to select those works for us to stay, the rest we can just let it go. Please Don't be too HARSH on yourself, no man is perfect besides Jesus. So we gonna learn to let go, that is a huge lesson too. 

I think I've been written too much here, though I've been away from this blog for really long. Guess that's not the point.

Remember life's good and it's pretty short too. Smile always. It's okay if you are emo, but try to limit it for a certain period of time, or else you are wasting the precious time for you to be happy instead. 

Anyway, just be yourself and live your life. The rest just left it to God. 

Cheers.

Leon Lai
16/03/2013

生活智慧

四個簡單知識：噎到東西、落枕、腳抽筋、腳發麻
這個請大家千萬千萬要努力傳哦，因是個知識，可以教人，也可以救人哦！

救命的方法分享：
１.噎到東西
只要「把手舉起來」
美國紐澤西州大西洋城五歲男童史賓斯，機靈地救了祖母一命，他的方式很簡單，只要「把手舉起來」！
五十六歲的雪兒丹恩史都華日前在家一邊看電視一邊吃果凍，當史都華轉過頭時，一塊果凍卡在喉嚨。她試著擠壓腹部自救，但沒有用，
此時孫子史賓斯問：「奶奶，妳噎到嗎! ？」史都華說不出話。
「我猜妳噎到了，奶奶，把手舉起來，把手舉起來。」
史都華照做，結果真的把果凍吐出來。
史賓斯當時很鎮靜，他說這是在學校學到的。
噎到東西之處理方式----只要「 把手舉起來」！

２. 落枕
您偶爾早上起床會發現自己落枕了嗎？就是脖子疼痛。
一旦落枕您該怎麼辦？
一旦落枕時，只要將你的腳抬起來！把大腳姆指給掰開來，慢慢的以順時或逆時的方向按摩旋轉。

3. 腳抽筋
左腳抽筋時高高的舉起右手，
右腳抽筋時高高的舉起左手，馬上舒緩。

4. 腳發麻
若左腳麻了，用力甩你的右手掌，
若右腳麻了，則用力甩你的左手掌。

A story of a pair of wrinkled and "bruiseful" hand

One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview.

The director discovered from his CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent. He asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "no".

" Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"

"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.

" Where did your mother work?"

"My mother worked as clothes cleaner.”

The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

" Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"

"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future.

After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, when he asked: "Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered," I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

“I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one’s family.

The director said, "This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life.”

“You are hired.”

This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead?

You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your child learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.